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October 12, 2007

HPLFF drinking game

by sven at 9:00 am

On the last day of the 2007 H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival, I said to myself: carpe diem!

I've been fantasizing about creating an HPLFF drinking game for two years now... So in the last half hour before heading out to the fest, I assembled my notes into the following document. I made something like 40 copies, and distributed them to the theater-goers.

I'm looking forward to putting together an even better version for next year.


THE H.P. LOVECRAFT FILM FESTIVAL DRINKING GAME

by Sven Bonnichsen, 2007

Lovecraftian cliches. We keep hoping for better films... But even when the films are laughably bad, we love 'em despite ourselves. Here's a game to help get you through some of the more unnameable cinema.

Warning: may cause alcohol poisoning. (In the context of the HPLFF, I recommend replacing shots with pieces of candy or popcorn.)


THE BIG GREEN GUY
someone says: Cthulhu
someone says: ftagn!
someone says: R'lyeh
a single tentacle reaches from offscreen
crazy rant mentioning names of 3+ Elder Gods

READING IS BAD FOR YOU
evil book
someone says: Necronomicon
we see hand-drawn demons inside book
character finds the Necronomicon just lying around in someone's house
character goes insane after reading book
interior of a college library
someone says: Miskatonic

HUMAN SACRIFICE
hooded robe
a circle is drawn on the ground
worshipping giant demon idol
candles
bonus: 50+ candles
woman tied up, awaiting human sacrifice
boyfriend/husband murders his girlfriend/wife
bonus: girlfriend/wife murders her boyfriend/husband
the end of the world is represented by stock footage of marching Nazis
the end of the world is represented by stock footage of an atomic bomb
the gateway to the Elder Gods' dimension is an actual door in the wall

DOCTOR, CAN YOU HELP ME?
padded cell
hypodermic needle
hypodermic needle used as weapon
a shot of blood hitting the wall
blood splatters onto someone's face
intestines
decapitation

BOO!
woman screams
vomiting in horror
lights turn off menacingly
bonus: the lights in a hospital hallway turn off
a dark silhouette runs past the the camera in the foreground
someone laughs unnaturally long
full moon

I'D LIKE TO WAKE UP NOW
creepy little kid stands staring
recurring dream repeats
time loop circles back to beginning of loop

RUNS IN THE FAMILY
protagonist had a relative purported to practice witchcraft
tunnels under old house

BUT IS IT ART?
faux scratchy black and white
voice-over for entire film
an actor who is at least 10 years too young for the part
bonus: 20+ years too young
out-of-the-box digital lightning effect
the auteur's name appears 4+ times in the credits
bonus: if the auteur's name appears 4+ times -- and is the only name in the credits
hard rock soundtrack during credits
credits say "copyright" at the end, despite use of infringed music

JOYS OF THE FESTIVAL
you see someone from the Church of Satan
have to switch crossed legs because your ass has gone numb
you've forgotten how many years you've been coming
catch a whiff of body odor from someone in the next row
the guy in the row in front of / behind you thinks he's funny
fall asleep during a film
you bump into Cthulhu in the lobby

TIME TO QUIT
"What's wrong, Elwood?"

posted by sven | October 12, 2007 9:00 AM | categories: exhibits & events, writing